It sounds like you found yourself in an incredibly hurtful and frustrating situation, where you felt excluded and disrespected by your husband and his family.
It’s understandable that this experience would leave you feeling hurt, especially given the assumptions your mother-in-law made about your background, and your husband’s failure to stand up for you.
First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid.
You were disrespected, not only by being excluded from a family dinner but also through the insinuations about your manners and class background. It’s completely reasonable that you would remove yourself from a situation where you were being treated poorly
Walking away, rather than escalating the situation, showed restraint, even if your husband didn’t see it that way.
However, communication with your husband seems to be a major issue here. His reaction—calling you “unreasonable and ungrateful”—misses the point of why you were upset.
He might be feeling embarrassed because his family’s behavior reflects poorly on him, but it’s crucial that he understands how deeply hurtful it was for you to be excluded. In a healthy relationship, your partner should advocate for you, especially when you’re being treated unfairly by others, including family. It’s concerning that he didn’t stand up for you.
But instead tried to justify their behavior. In terms of how to approach this now, it may help to have an honest conversation with your husband about what happened. Explain how the exclusion made you feel and why you felt the need to leave. Let him know that you were not being “ungrateful” for the trip, but rather that you felt unwelcome and belittled. It’s important that he understands how his actions (or inactions) contributed to the situation, and how you need him to support you in the future.
When it comes to the relationship with your in-laws, it’s a more delicate matter. Their comments and actions are beyond your control, but it may help if your husband sets boundaries with his family regarding how they treat you. In the end, you and your husband are a team, and he needs to recognize that disrespect toward you is also disrespect toward your relationship. The question of how to fix things depends largely on whether your husband is willing to acknowledge your perspective and work on standing up for you. Without mutual understanding and support, these tensions may continue to build. Consider whether couples counseling might be a helpful option to navigate these ongoing issues, especially if your husband struggles to see things from your point of view. Ultimately, respect and communication are key here. If you feel that your relationship with your husband and his family can move forward, it will require open, honest conversations, with the hope that your husband will choose to support and defend you in the future.